Could have been????

I know they say that everything happens for a reason. And for the most part I agree with that sentiment

I think all the mistakes I made helped me to learn and grow as a person. I think it all helped me to be who I am now and overall I like who I am now. Even though it seems that not many people like me and for the most part I am OK with that.

But know and believing all that does not keep me from wondering about what "Might have been".  By the way does anyone remember who sang that song?

And that starts with me being mainstreamed into regular school. For those that may not know disabled kids were  not in regular class rooms until 1974, I think. From first grade until fifth grade I was in a classroom for disabled kids, which apparently was a little different from regular classrooms. I did not have homework or take science classes until my six grade year at Watts Middle School.

And in my opinion, that was not a good thing for me.Mainly because I believe that if I had had to learn how to study earlier I might have learned more about discipline. I am not and never have been a disciplined person. And believe me I have tried. I am better than I have ever been at consistently doing want I need to do, like housework and keeping the checkbook updated. But I think I should be better at that kind of stuff than I am.

Heck, I actually like writing these posts but I can't even get myself to do this everyday.

And unfortunately, I don't think the Centerville School System helped me out much to help me learn discipline. I was the first handicapped person to be mainstreamed there in 1976. I am probably the only person in the world who remembers that the Centerville Times did a story about me being the first disabled student in Centerville Schools. And I really think that because I was the first one the school system wanted me to at least appear successful. I can honestly say now that I got some grades I did not deserve.  Because I was physically slow I was allowed to leave classes early and arrive to the next class late. And I took full advantage of it.

The only people who were trying to instill any kind of discipline in me were my parents and one or two teachers along the way.  I even seem to recall my parents talking to me about holding me back a year. Maybe that should have happened.

And if I sound like I am blaming others for this fault that is mine and mine alone; I blame myself more than anyone.  I was given an opportunity to succeed and I blew it.

And I could go on and on about how if I had done things differently life would be different but my basic premise is this: there are plenty of times I wished I could go back and do things differently. And a part of me believes that if I knew then what I know now I would do things differently.

But the real truth is I will never get that opportunity and I will never know

To all my friends and family who tried to get me to do things differently.  THANK YOU.