To me there has always been a bit of a strange dichotomy about being physically disabled. I want to be treated like any other person but at the same time I want friends and people I know to remember I have a different way of physically doing things.
I will try to give a couple of examples of what I mean. First the one situation for why this subject is on my mind today.
If you have been reading my postings then you probably know I have a younger woman (Amanda) and her son living with me right now. She works long hours most days now as a waitress and by the time she gets home her feet, neck and back are all in a lot of pain. I happen to think I am pretty good at massages and Amanda seems to agree. So, most nights I end up massaging her for a while. Most nights I enjoy it until my hands can't take it any longer.
Last night her feet were really bugging her. Honestly, I didn't want to do it. A night or two off every once in a while would be nice but I did it anyway.
It all started good until she asked me to do the ball of her foot. Now this may sound odd to most of you but I really have no idea where the ball of someone's foot is. I honestly believed it was the heel. Maybe most disabled people are aware of the different part of their anatomy that they are unable to use but that is not me.
After I started rubbing her heel she got upset and said, "no,no,no the ball of my foot. The place where you actually walk on; that's common sense." I was offended and stopped right then and there.
I suppose I have taken a few steps when I was up on my walker and braces but that was not my main way of getting around. And in my mind taking steps in braces seems to be a lot different from you using your own legs to walk.
I feel that I have never truly taken steps; so I am not really aware of the actual process of stepping. And I tried to explain this to her and all that did was frustrate her which just ticked me off. Not a good night all around.
There are also times when I realize a friend really down likes me and forgets about my being disabled for real.
On at least 3-4 occasions I have had friends help me get into their cars by holding my wheelchair so it doesn't move and then forget to put the wheelchair into the trunk before getting into the drivers seat. To me, that is really when someone doesn't think about the extra work they have to go through to take me anywhere and considers it normal. That is truly accepting me for who I am.
The funniest occasions are when people ask me to walk with them. That is hilarious.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Perspective/perception or insanity
I don't know whether it is a matter of perspective or just an age difference but Amanda got enraged at me the other day and I can't figure a logical understanding of it.
I got an opportunity to talk with her parent's without Amanda around. I had been looking forward to it to get another perspective on what their relationship really was/is with her daughter. I thought that talking to them was a good thing because I am hoping the living situation/relationship will be a long term thing.
Apparently, my perception of the conversation I had the next day with her Dad is an act of betrayal in Amanda's eyes. I am stunned and shocked at the accusation and her harsh reaction.
I knew before I ever had Amanda moved in that she had a shaky relationship with her mother and badly wantedc to be close to her Mom. I also figured that there would probably be issues between the two that I would never be able to understand.
On the day I had the conversation with her parent's I even realized she would probably be unhappy I talked privately with her parents. I never expected the fury I would receive from Amanda.
Without getting into too much detail I felt that I had learned a lot about Amanda's Mom and Amanda herself after talking with Debbie, her Mom. I was evn pleasantly surprised with some mistakes that Debbie admitted to. And since those mistakes meshed with what Amanda had told me I was not surprised and from my reaction I think Debbie knew that Amanda had said something about the situation, specifically; which I think was a normal thing.
Amanda, however has a different interpretation. According to her I should have acted surprised at what Debbie told me and had no idea about what had happened. I still don't understand why what I did was a bad thing but Amanda did tell me never to talk about things she is doing and I can respect that.
But that was not what would surprise, shock and disturb me.
When Amanda works her parents and I split babysitting duties. Normally. I am not a big fan of kids, but I have already grown to love Wyatt. He is an awesome little guy and I really enjoy spending time with him. But I digress.
Since we share kid watching duties I talk to her Dad every day now. The day after I talked with both of Amanda's parents, Rick, her Dad called me to see what was going on and to see if I wanted him to come get Wyatt. In the course of the conversation, Rick asked me what time Amanda was supposed to be home. I told him that since she was late for work I wasn't sure when she would be home. He then asked me what happened and I told him that she had slept through her alarm but fortunately I woke up for some reason and was able to wake her up and get her going toward work.
Somehow, in Amanda's mind this was a huge act of betrayal. I understand that I may have done the wrong thing by talking about her business but an act of betrayal? Honestly that is a huge jump in logic/
I get that she is hurt, that she is questioning how much she can trust me and mad at me. I get that I should not talk about things that are her business. But other than that I don't feel that I did the wrong thing.
But this happened a little over a week ago and she still rehashes it every day. She still question me about every little detail that I can remember. It's like she thinks eventually I am going to give her a different answer to her questions and then she will be satisfied.
In some of the things she has yelled at me she has crossed a line or two but I can deal with that. She has even read some of my private texts to my best friend in which I have vented about the situation. I don't like what she did by invading my privacy but it's too late to be too angry.
I just what to know when this madness will end to a little rationality and calm can return.
Thank you for allowing me to vent. Surprisingly, I don't think she will ever read this because there is one 29 year old who actually doesn't like going online.
I got an opportunity to talk with her parent's without Amanda around. I had been looking forward to it to get another perspective on what their relationship really was/is with her daughter. I thought that talking to them was a good thing because I am hoping the living situation/relationship will be a long term thing.
Apparently, my perception of the conversation I had the next day with her Dad is an act of betrayal in Amanda's eyes. I am stunned and shocked at the accusation and her harsh reaction.
I knew before I ever had Amanda moved in that she had a shaky relationship with her mother and badly wantedc to be close to her Mom. I also figured that there would probably be issues between the two that I would never be able to understand.
On the day I had the conversation with her parent's I even realized she would probably be unhappy I talked privately with her parents. I never expected the fury I would receive from Amanda.
Without getting into too much detail I felt that I had learned a lot about Amanda's Mom and Amanda herself after talking with Debbie, her Mom. I was evn pleasantly surprised with some mistakes that Debbie admitted to. And since those mistakes meshed with what Amanda had told me I was not surprised and from my reaction I think Debbie knew that Amanda had said something about the situation, specifically; which I think was a normal thing.
Amanda, however has a different interpretation. According to her I should have acted surprised at what Debbie told me and had no idea about what had happened. I still don't understand why what I did was a bad thing but Amanda did tell me never to talk about things she is doing and I can respect that.
But that was not what would surprise, shock and disturb me.
When Amanda works her parents and I split babysitting duties. Normally. I am not a big fan of kids, but I have already grown to love Wyatt. He is an awesome little guy and I really enjoy spending time with him. But I digress.
Since we share kid watching duties I talk to her Dad every day now. The day after I talked with both of Amanda's parents, Rick, her Dad called me to see what was going on and to see if I wanted him to come get Wyatt. In the course of the conversation, Rick asked me what time Amanda was supposed to be home. I told him that since she was late for work I wasn't sure when she would be home. He then asked me what happened and I told him that she had slept through her alarm but fortunately I woke up for some reason and was able to wake her up and get her going toward work.
Somehow, in Amanda's mind this was a huge act of betrayal. I understand that I may have done the wrong thing by talking about her business but an act of betrayal? Honestly that is a huge jump in logic/
I get that she is hurt, that she is questioning how much she can trust me and mad at me. I get that I should not talk about things that are her business. But other than that I don't feel that I did the wrong thing.
But this happened a little over a week ago and she still rehashes it every day. She still question me about every little detail that I can remember. It's like she thinks eventually I am going to give her a different answer to her questions and then she will be satisfied.
In some of the things she has yelled at me she has crossed a line or two but I can deal with that. She has even read some of my private texts to my best friend in which I have vented about the situation. I don't like what she did by invading my privacy but it's too late to be too angry.
I just what to know when this madness will end to a little rationality and calm can return.
Thank you for allowing me to vent. Surprisingly, I don't think she will ever read this because there is one 29 year old who actually doesn't like going online.
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