What if???

"Twenty years now, where'd they go?
Twenty years, I don't know"  Bob Seeger "Like a Rock

The holiday season is always a time to reflect for me. I try to to take stock of the year just passed and see if I have grown as a person. I look back at mistakes and look at wherer I could have done differently.

I woke up with the phrase "The road not taken" in my head. Not only was that a great county song by Shenedoah (about 15 years ago) but I sometimes wonder about what might have been.

On a number of occasions over the years I have heard people say they have no regrets about their past and I always wonder how true that is because I know that I do have a couple of regrets.

I wish I hadn't acted like a complete ass around a young woman named Regina Cagle my first try at college. We met in a class and hung around a lot for a couple of weeks. I thought she was going to end up being my girlfriend until I invited her over to my apartment to a little party I was having and I ended up getting drunk and acting the fool. The next day I called her to apologize and was told the she was moving to San Diego with a guy she knew. I doubt the truthfulness of that but I never ever did see her again.  I still can't help but wonder what would have been if I hadn't acted like a drunken fool.

Then in the mid '90's after I knew my marriage was over (surprisingly no regrets there, including getting married, life lesson) a woman I had wanted to be with started hanging out with me a lot and one day asked if I wanted to be her boyfriend.  Every part of my being wanted to say "YES" but for some reason I have never figured out I said no.  I even wanted to call her and apologize after that but I never did. I have tried to look her up since then but I can't seem to find her. I know that means that it was meant to happen that way but I do regret it.

There are a number of other things I wonder how life would have been if I had done things but those are the only two that I regret.

For the most part I know that everything happens for a reason.I truly do know the mistakes have made me who I am and I am still a little rough around the edges but I really like who I am today.

But sometimes I still can't help but wonder "what if?" and "where did all that time go"?

I am thankful I have been allowed to live it, despite my flaws.